When the bedroom becomes the command post where to plan tasks and where decisions are needed to keep family, Inc. on track, even the most faithful husband end up at one time or another, by himself ask the question: is it so all the couple can offer me? Married for 37 years, I know what it is. So I was curious to know the secrets of those couples who find a way to rekindle their flame just coming out together, as they did when they were courting. How do you spice it in your marriage?
Secret No. 1
Expand your horizons. Book your neighborhood bistro for another occasion; surprise counts for a lot in an output lovers. Janet Tanzer, marriage counselor in Toronto, believes strongly in the power of love outings to break the monotony. Passion, she says, feeds mystery. On the other hand, the marriage strength relies on the security and predictability. When you are sharing the bathroom and finish the sentence that the other has begun, there is hardly any mystery. The solution: try to find the excitement of your first lover outputs exiting the usual routine. “This is the playful side that counts,” says Tanzer. “Think of surprise and passion will follow.”
Secret # 2
Share the work. Take turns the responsibility to organize the output. Thus, you will not fall into the common trap of too compel the other to decide by asking, “What would you do tonight,” Arthur Aron, a social psychologist at Stony Brook University, has recently shown that the innovation could contribute significantly to the strength of the marriage. In one experiment he conducted with colleagues, couples selected wrists and ankles by links were instructed to push a ball with the head foam respecting a time constraint. Group of couples had been assigned to the control routine activity. When participants of both groups then completed a questionnaire designed to measure their level of satisfaction in their relationship, those of the group who had to push the ball (and had laughed like children in an amusement park) rated significantly more satisfied.
Secret # 3
Looking to enchant. When it’s your turn to host the event, keep in mind the needs of your husband. On the day, maintain the suspense by not giving him a minimum of information about the program for the evening. There is nothing like having a good time together to reduce the friction that is intrinsic to all unions . John Gottman, a psychologist and author of Seattle, showed in his studies that couples who were holding out knew counteract the harsh words and sometimes condescending looks with affection and humor.
Secret # 4
Be of good will. Stay open to proposals from your husband. Refrain from serving his usual criticism: “But why did you choose this restaurant?” Arthur Aron is quick to point out that the novelty alone can replace the intimacy and trust within the couple while saying convinced that a little adventure can fortify a union also solid. Every week, his wife and integrate it new activity in their regular program, for example a tour boat or a conference.
Secret # 5
Relax and smile. After all, there is only one output. What have you got to lose? One evening last week, my husband and I went in one direction than we had ever made. After two hours talking and exploring the area, we came across a marvelous little restaurant. Back at home, and in the bedroom, one thing by calling another, we have, say, returned more intimately. We had not planned outside the box; it was completely improvised, but I can say it was a spicy evening at will.