These are not fads that are important in itself, but the fact of repeating them again and again. You can tell him that you bicker because of his habits, and because of you – these disputes are related to the almost daily discovery that habits are inevitable. But in reality, you argue because you are a couple, and that conflicts are also essential to marriage than sex.
About what you do you quarrel? The same things as usual. If you want to preserve your marriage, it is not necessary to come to stop arguing you simply preserve your way of arguing.
The disputes are not only endless controversy. These are debates that let you enter a different dimension than where they started. They are transient, often imaginary and always very personal. They are, in other words, what should be sex.
The others know a lot more about your arguments that you believe. Your children, in particular, are not stupid, because if you do not love to them, you argue in front of them, at least within reach of their ears, and your disputes will always represent for them the first glimpse of the complexities adulthood. You believe that some arguments are irrelevant because they relate to trivial matters. Your children understand that there is no harmless disputes, because each of them can lead to the battle that will end your marriage. What kind of battle? The kind of those where you triumph. The question is not who can win, because everyone can win if he is not afraid to do so at the price of love and respect. The question is who can abstain to win, who can resist the temptation to win, temptation, like all those of marriage , is still present.
But how? Well, do not let the sun go down on your wrath, like the old saying goes. Do not say what can not be deleted. Do not fight if you are drunk. And never finish a fight by having sex with someone else. The infidelity is the last stage of victory and defeat.
Why arguing if it is not to win? You fight for power, of course – but if your marriage is healthy, you will dispute to restore the balance of power rather than fight to destroy it. You quarrel to voice your objections to the person you’ve chosen to spend your life – but if your marriage is healthy, the dispute will eventually surrender rather than destruction. Sex is important in marriage. Loyalty too. But the arguments are equally, because what matters most in marriage is forgiveness and to forgive is not so easy. You have to fight to get there.