Carnival Weekend 2012 has finally arrived. It’s our favourite time of year and here at Mumble we have put together a quick flash guide for those of you who may have never been before (whaaa?!) and are thinking of going for the first time this year.

[If you're an old timer, scroll down for other stuff including maps (cos we know you get lost every year South London!) and information on after parties].

Now forget what you may have read about needing to get there early, carrying earplugs and taking sandwiches with you (I kid you not!) – here is what you really need to know:

1. You are not going to get stabbed.

2. You don’t need to carry much with you; just your Oyster, phone and some cash for your food and drink.

3. The food is good but the drinks are overpriced. You will get over it and pay up.

4. You’re better off paying a pound to use a shop’s toilet than queuing to use a porta-loo so make sure you got a couple nuggets spare.

5. Unless you’re a Carnival veteran, ladies, your heels need to stay at home.

6. The same goes for your screwface.

7. So when someone tries to dance with you, just go with it. All he is after is a little wine, not a relationship, calm down.

8. Whether you’re looking ridunkulous or not, expect those over-confident topless guys you see everywhere to try to grab and chirps you. Have your fake number ready if you’re not that way inclined.

9. Also, be prepared to keep bumping into that same dude who made you laugh and tried it on with you earlier on in the day. He genuinely won’t recognise you the second or third time you see him and is likely to try it with you again. Don’t take it personal.

10. The nastiest, stankiest, dirty vest wearing, no tooth having dude will try it with you too. Don’t take it personal.

11. It is very likely that you will bump into your Ex, his baby mama, her best friend who hates you and a bunch of other people from school whose names you can’t quite remember. Don’t watch that. And remember: you left your screwface at home!

12. The parade is nice but not the best bit, get yourself over to a sound system. Easy skanking.

13. Do not panic if you get caught up in a crush when some idiot in the crowd decides to start a fight. It often ends as quickly as it starts and chances are you will be fine.

14. You will lose your people at some point in the day and won’t be able to get through to them on your mobile. Just make sure you agree on a meeting point before this happens. One of the best spots is just outside Ladbroke Grove station.

15. The Po Po’s will still carry on like d*ckheads despite the vibes. Do not expect any less or try to engage them in any banter. Those pictures you’ve seen of an officer “dancing” at carnival are a myth.

Sound Systems:

A free Notting Hill Carnival app (for iPhone & Android) which tells you where the Sound Systems are and what kind of music they play, has been created. Should come in handy on the day until your phone runs out of juice. Download it here, otherwise just click on the TimeOut link below:

After parties:

Trust me, if you’ve done it right, you will not want to go home. Click on a flyer for more information/tickets.

Sunday 26 August 2012

Monday 27 August 2012

Travel:

For travel information visit the Transport for London website. They’ve set up a special page with details on station closures and guides on how best to get to Carnival from where you live. Click here for all that.

Enjoy yourselves, eat good, drink good, smoke good and dance up a storm. Make sure you stay safe too. Peace & love.